All change!

I'm back! Have you missed me? In the last month since I've blogged, I've completely changed everything  - including my hair colour. It's brown now. Possibly not an improvement. I can't talk about my hair, it's too raw and painful. Moving on:
1) I have a new, permanent full-time job (digital marketing manager for an agency in Slough, starting 13th Feb, exciting but EEEK! First proper full-time job since I went on maternity leave to have Sam in 2009).
2) Roxy is going off on full loan for a year to a lovely lady in Lincoln.
3) Angel is going onto five-day ridden livery while I settle into my new job.

I think that's it, although it does leave out the nervous breakdown I almost had getting to this point. Christmas was great - we went on a week's holiday to Lanzarote. All-inclusive, lovely food (and more importantly, booze) and glorious sunshine (20 degrees most days). No cooking on Christmas Day. Santa on a camel on Christmas Eve. Absolute bliss.

Then we arrived back at Luton airport, probably the most depressing place in the world - we were queued up behind a man with facial prison tattoos at passport control, which basically sums up Luton airport for me - and it was back to reality with a bang.

I'd just about managed before Christmas, but after that break, it really hit home that two horses and the kids and a job which is an hour's commute away in Watford is RIDICULOUSLY HARD WORK. At the moment, I get up, feed the pets, get the kids ready for school, do the school run, then head to the yard to feed/turnout-muck out, then rush off to work. I'm usually late because I have to navigate both the M40 and M25, and there's nearly always an accident somewhere along the route. Work, work, work then rush home to walk the dogs/do the kids' dinners/bedtimes etc. My husband and I occasionally bump into each other in the dining room or wherever, and exchange pleasantries, but that's about all we have time for at the moment. We're planning on timetabling a meal out at some point, so we can catch up with each others' news, but haven't got round to it yet.

The horses are brought in for me on work days, otherwise I'm at the yard twice a day, rain, shine or thick, creeping fog - which is what the yard is smothered in most of the time. It's perched right on top of the Chiltern hills and boy, is it BLEAK. It's got its own micro-climate, which is reminiscent of what's on the other side of the Ice Wall in Game Of Thrones. When I turn my horses out in their field, I generally can't see them through the fog by the time I get back to the yard. They regularly spook at weird objects (probably other horses but it's hard to be sure) looming out of the mist when I turn them out. Angel has got away from me twice and has to be turned out/brought in in a bridle now.

Anyway, I hate winter. I hate cold. I hate wind. I hate fog. I actually thought Game Of Thrones was pretty shit (too sexist, too violent) anyway and don't want to be in it. I've been fairly near to snapping point with, well, everything. A couple of weeks ago, after Angel was particularly difficult to handle then ride, I almost took her to the nearest dealer and had done with it. I was *that* close from going 'ah, sod it', selling her and just carrying on with Roxy.

But I do really want to do this Wobbleberry Challenge - and I think Angel is a really nice horse, it's just horrible having a new horse! They always test you sooner or later, and she's thrown in a few bucks and tanked off with me a couple of times. With the help of my trainer Nicole, we seem to be past that now and I am feeling fairly confident with her again BUT I can only focus on one horse. I can't do Roxy justice while I am focusing on Angel - and Rox loves grooming and attention and being ridden, and it's not fair on her that she's being wasted at the moment. She's a talented horse and there are loads of people who'd love to ride and compete her. So I decided to put her out on loan, and got a big response to my initial advertisement on Facebook. By the time I'd weeded out the 12-year olds who thought I was giving away a free pony, and the ones who wanted her to live out all year round (not my princess!), I was left with one suitable candidate, who came to try her last weekend. She brought a friend, and they both seemed absolutely lovely. She rode nicely and got Roxy going forward (which can be a challenge! I regularly feel like it's Roxy who's ridden me and not the other way round) and popped her over a cross-pole, all of which I heartily approved. References have been checked, and I'm taking Roxy up to her new home in Lincoln next weekend. I'll miss her LOADS but I have to be strict with myself. It's not forever - and anyway, what's most important to me is that Roxy is being loved and worked as that's better for her than just, well, doing nothing! It doesn't necessarily need to be me doing the loving and working!

Of course, having decided this, Angel promptly got colic. I thought I was going to lose her on Monday. Really scary. Then on Tuesday, with Angel still not out of the woods, Savannah puked at school and I had to pick her up. I'd taken the day off work to look after Angel, so while I walked her in-hand as the vet had instructed, Savannah threw up into my hoof pick bucket.

Tuesday was not a good day. Let's draw a veil over Tuesday.

Moving on, with just one horse to pay for, I can afford to put Angel on 5-day ridden livery, which is what I need to do while I settle into my new job. There's no huge commute but I start at 8am so I won't have time to go to the yard before work, and finish at 4.30pm which gives me time to walk the dogs, hang out with the kids - and maybe even ride once it gets a bit lighter in the evenings. Hurrah!

So my new job - and new routine - starts on 13th Feb. It's going be different. But, hopefully, better. Who knows - I may even get to spend some time with my husband! Although maybe that's going too far. Let's wait and see...